Me Against the World

             I'm not sure where it came from or how I got to this place, but I'm seeing something in my mentality that I'm trying to figure out how to get rid of. Inside, deep in my brain, there's the thought that its me....against the world. Weaved into that is the lie that everyone is not here to help or aide me in any way. Achievement is made by me and me alone. My thoughts, my decisions, and my work must be done independent of anyone or anything. I cannot ask for help, and even if I should be tempted to, people would only help me in order to help their own selves in someway. Please understand that I love spending time with people and getting to know them and communicating with them. But they're only allowed to get so close. Why? Because I don't trust them, their motives, or their intentions. Believing that no one is for me, I believe that everyone is against me. When I was younger I would run and hide. Now that I'm older, I see the tendency to stand with my arms crossed daring them to try to hurt me. Even those who love and support me, these very dear people I keep at arms length, never sure when they will turn to hurt me when it is convenient for them.

Its me against the world.

That's the lie.

But I don't want to believe it.
From this mind set stems a host of other problems. Problems like inferiority complexes, issues with authority, and relational understanding to name the top few. In seeing these problems, I prayed for wisdom to know how to deal with them, what to do with them, or how to get rid of them. Its been a journey, but I think God finally revealed the "me against the world" mentality as the root of it all. The next step is digging that root out. But how does one do that? And what tool should be used? Where would I find such a tool? I'm still searching for the answer., but I take courage knowing that I have more understanding. That's half the work, right?
Romans 8:31 comes to mind. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" Even when people are against me (and there will be times when I need to cross my arms and face the world for Jesus' sake), I can stand assured, knowing I am not alone like I once thought. When I stand with God, I am not alone.